The World: A little less hot today. Global Warming Experts Rejoice.

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/14736374/detail.html

We here at The News Report, know that you all, like ourselves, value the lives of good looking people a little more than those of regular looking people. That is why this story of a NATIONAL TRAGEDY about 3 high school cheerleaders dieing in a random car crash is very important. I mean think about it, what are the other kids at that poor school going to do? Who are they going to stare at in the hallway? Who are they going to gossip about? And who are they going to call a slut behind their back? This news report doesn't have a very good picture of the girls but let's hope, for the other students sake, that these were the three "not as hot" cheerleaders on the team. They are always there, the couple girls on the cheerleading team that just aren't really that hot, you know it's true.
When reached for comment, Susan Palmer, a fellow cheerleader said, "Like, I can't believe they would do this to us, the big game is next week! Like we do this cheer where we spell out V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! and they were the C, T, and Y. I don't know what we are going to do! But they better not even try out for squad next year becasue there is NO WAY Tiffany will let them on!"

Wait a second... Why is this news. Sure it's sad, but the only reason it's getting reported on is becasue they are attractive. You thought you had me, but I caught you News. Not so dumb now am I!