And you thought YOUR aunt was crazy!

http://www.local10.com/news/14740373/detail.html

LAUDERHILL, Fla. a 12 yr old buy was stabbed in the eyes by his aunt who was also stabbed in the eye. Family tried to explain that it all happened when the boy found out that his aunt, who he had been sleeping with and ruling over "Thebes" (their living room) with was actually his mother. When asked for comment we were informed that the boy could not speak becasue he had chewed his tongue off. We then asked his mother (not the woman known as his aunt) about how all of this had happened, "Well see when aunt Clair comes over we all like to put on little shows in the living room, and with this show Clair and the boy just took things a little too far. It's all that damn Shakespeare's fault!" That last part set off alarm bells in our head and we went into action, here is why: The story that this all seems to be paralleling is the Greek tragedy Oedipus, and whilst Shakespeare is the known of many classic plays, this is not one of them. So we notified authorities and had a composite drawn up. The man is said to be of Caucasian descent, speaks in very "old English" and has a small beard and mustache. If you see this man, stay away and call the police! HE IS VERY VERY DANGEROUS!

GOP supports human cloning, Brings Jesus back.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1689196,00.html?imw=Y

The GOP, a long time adversary of stem cell research, came out by saying it see's promise in a new technique that would make it possible for "those grubby little scientists" to get their "grubby little hands" on some stem cells "without crushing up babies into a stem cell puree." Head scientist, and GOP representative, Clark Honeywater said, "for a scientist that doesn't take commonplace ideas like 'evolution' seriously I have been under fire lately, but I think that's all about to change, after this latest discovery." He went on to say, "human cloning just isn't the way to go on this issue, something else had to be developed." When a reporter joked and said, "hey, wouldn't it be nice to bring back Reagan!" Everyone laughed, and then Honeywater kept laughing, but not like a normal laugh, like one of those awkward, it kind of goes on to long laughs. Then his laugh started echoing and an organ started playing in the background. It was creepy. Honeywater bid us farewell by saying, "If, you'll excuse me I must be off to my lair... I mean laboratory... have a nice evening" but he didn't fool anyone, we all clearly heard Honeywater say "lair". The reporter's and I then grabbed a dog, put on 70's clothes, and jumped in a van called the "Unsolved Quandary Machine" and set off into the night to play music and figure out what was going on up at old Honeywater's castle.