I Always Wanted a Big Brother

Headline: As Ask Erases Little, Google and Others Keep Writing About You

We at The News Report are the "others" they're talking about. Yeah, we know all about you. And just like in high school, we're going to talk about you behind your back. We've heard you've gotten really fat and that your acne never cleared up. Oh, we know all about that back-alley abortion too. What a whore you are. Who was the baby daddy... oh, that's right, you don't know. You can go ahead and blame it on your workaholic father, or never moving beyond the "phallic" stage of development, but we all know that you just like the attention. We saw you making out with Brian behind the bleechers at homecoming. Oh we all know about you... and we're talking.

Good luck with that bedwetting problem,
The News Report