Ever see a piece of shit that kind of looks like a baby?

http://www.kpho.com/news/14706325/detail.html

So.. this story kind of writes itself. So evidently this girl sat on the toilet and and gave birth to a baby, took the baby out of the toilet looked at it, and then put it back in the toilet and sat down again to deliver "the placenta" . nice. then when she asked her mom what to do, her mom said to put it in the garbage!


... then she took it to the hospital. where they said it was dead. (but secretly the baby was just pretending to be dead because it didn't want to face ridicule at school from all its friends for being "birthed in a toilet")

YAY AMERICA!

I mean if it was me I would have just flushed it, and then if it got stuck. I would have used a plunger, and then flushed again. Then probably plunged one more time, and then flushed again. If that didn't work, I would have just put a lot of tampons in there with it and said I was on my period......... and then took it to the hospital.

Strike: The Musical!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/27/theater/27cnd-stage.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

With stagehand strikers pirouetting the New York City streets, producers are still trying to make a buck, so they propose "Strike: The Musical!"
Featuring soon-to-be hit songs like:
"I Wanna Put My Stage Hands All Over Your Body"
"This Sign Is Heavy and It Is Cold"
"November in New York: What a Fine Fuckin' Time for a Strike"
"Seriously, I'm Freezing My Balls Off"
Reprise "I Wanna Put My Stage Hands in Some Goddamn Gloves"

Catch it at The Picket Line running indefinitely.

Letters to Myself

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3918439&page=1
Headline: Letter Places Stacy Peterson in Ill. Grocery Store

My impression of how this went down:
Cop (or let's face it, everyone): Dude, we know you know where she is.
Drew Peterson: I don't, but I know someone who does.
Cop: Who?
Drew: I don't know, but I got this letter.
Cop: You got a letter?
Drew: Yeah, it says she's at the grocery store.
Cop: Uh, huh, so you, Drew "means and motive" Peterson, got a letter saying your wife was at a grocery store?
Drew: Yes. It gives details of which aisle she was in and what she was wearing and everything.
Cop: You know, a letter to yourself is really more of a note.
Drew: I didn't write it!
Cop: Right, but it was just sent directly to you?
Drew: Yes. Someone is interested in clearing my name.
Cop: And that someone's not you?
Drew: Right!
Cop: Well that proves it, you're free to go, Sir.
Drew: Really?
Cop: No. Get your guilty self-writing ass back on your lawyer's lap.
Cop: (underbreath): I'll get you some day Peterson.

Bride is actually terrorist: Comedian's thank news story for lots of new wife jokes!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/11/26/iraq.bride/index.html

So it appears that two Iraqi insurgents were trying to escape the country by dressing like a bride and groom. Local comedians celebrate today as they write a "whole lot" of topical, ex-wife jokes. When asked for comment comedian Judge Barr said, "It's just really great news, the ex-wife joke long ago fell into the realm of bad jokes, but I mean I've been dieing for the joke to have a re-invention. Now I can say things like 'hey did you hear this story?' or 'I saw this in the news the other day' to lead into my slew of ex-wife jokes." Needless to say the bride was hairy (like my ex). You can catch many comedians talking about the news story at any shitty bar near you!