No Fat Chicks

Headline: Overweight children face premature heart attacks, strokes

I couldn't believe this when I read it either. To get the full story, I went to Dr. Faux the head of Obese Adolescent Studies at Ivy League University.
The News Report (TNR): Good morning Dr. Faux, thanks for meeting with me.
Dr. Faux: My pleasure.
TNR: Please tell me about your recent studies.
Dr. Faux: We've discovered that children that are obese are likely to suffer premature heart attacks and strokes.
TNR: You don't say.
Dr. Faux: Yes, they are not immune to heart problems at we had originally thought.
TNR: So you're saying these children's bodies react the same way as adults?
Dr. Faux: That's exactly what I'm saying.
TNR: Fascinating. Have you tried any other studies?
Dr. Faux: Well it's still in its beginning stages, but I can tell you this much: like adults, children will bleed if you prick them.
TNR: What color is the blood?
Dr. Faux: I couldn't believe it myself, but it was a reddish color with tones of brown.
TNR: But, wait a minute doctor, I don't mean to call you a liar, but how is that possible? I mean, that is the same color as adult blood. That is a rather strange coincidence. Wouldn't you agree?
Dr. Faux: I'm glad you're sitting down. We believe there may be a connection between adults and children.
TNR: (Faints)

Scientists will further investigate this supposed "relationship" and The News Report will be right there with the story.

In the meantime, I would avoid children because if they bite you, you may become one of them. And, as previously reported, they may be serial killers in disguise.