Abbott & Costello Write the News

Headline: WHO probes Pakistan's first bird flu death

-I don't know. Who probes Pakistan's first bird flu death?
- I told you. WHO probes Pakistan's first bird flu death.

Comedy writers are on strike. And we can tell.

I want everyone to be very afraid of this bird flu epidemic. You will likely die from it. In fact, to serve the public, I'd like to name a few other things that you are equally as likely to die from: drowning in the shower, toxic wallpaper dye inhalation (hey, it happened to Napoleon), being mauled by a polar bear, choking on a pen top, and freezing to death while attempting to stuff a chicken with snow. My advice? Avoid showering, wallpaper, polar bears, pens, snow, and chicken, especially chicken, and you will not die this holiday season or ever.