http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,140133-c,cybercrime/article.html
In apparent news from the future, police have raided someone named "Botmaster" whom I can only assume is the "Master of all Robots." Which is what leads me to believe this story is from the future. Definitely from the future. So, knowing that, here is what I can derive from this cryptic article:
1. We are definitely ruled by Robots, or there is at least a significant robot population, enough that there needs to be a "bot master"
2. We [humans] are having sex with the robots. How else would it be possible for the "bot master" to infect over 1 million people?
3. There is a special task force dedicated to thwarting the robots' world domination objectives.
Considering this, looks like the world of the future is pretty bleak. Humans and robots living alongside each other, having tons and tons of intercourse. Is that what you want? to be raped by robots?! I'm never living in the future! NEVER! I don't care what you say TIME! GET OVER IT!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Police Raid Botmaster Blamed for 1 Million Infections, Police Chief says Paris Hilton is Next..
CARSON DALY STILL EXISTS!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/29/apontv.latenightlimbo.ap/index.html
So I was pretty sure that the teen sensation that was Carson Daly didn't exist anymore. This is to say I thought he was dead. My memory is a little foggy, but I definitely remember talking to people about how he died. I think I remember that he jumped off a bridge after he came to a self realization about how bad his late night show was. Maybe that memory was a little premature though because I guess the writers guild is all up in arms about his deciding to go back on the air without writers. But here's the real question, did that show even have writers in the first place? I mean REALLY? It is a really bad show. Have you ever seen it? I don't think there were writers on that show. There couldn't be. Okay, I'm going to write a letter to the WGA and tell them. They shouldn't be so upset, the show never had writers in the first place so it's okay.
Wait.. do writers read when they are on strike? hmmm.. I'm not sure, maybe writing them a letter isn't the best idea, postage cost too much anyway. I will just send thought waves.
Okay. DONE.
Professor Teddy Ruxbin
But sadly, this story is not about a giant stuffed animal that teaches. It's about a human that teaches other, smaller humans in the Sudan and she allowed the kids to name the class teddy bear Muhammad. So the Sudanese are going to lock that crazy bitch up. You can't have someone like that roaming the streets.
This did however give rise to a variety of hot Christmas items like Buddha Bear, Jesus Moose, and the cuddly God Almighty Puppy. In an effort to cover all their bases, toy companies will release a Rah the Rhinocerous dolls for the small but mighty Ancient Egyptian market (big holiday shoppers).
Republican YouTube debate confirms that canidate's masturbate to pictures of Ronald Reagan.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/11/28/debate.main/index.html
In a suprising twist of fate there was a Republican YouTube debate. Most canidates thought it was a chance to appeal to the pot smoking drifter crowd, Fred Thompson saying, "aren't stoners like the one people. person. to use the internet? Stoners are the only person to use the internet. Yes I agree" To which all the other canidates nodded in agreement, except Mitt Romney who, didn't want to risk being seen with wrinkles in his neck because, "It might ruin his Ken doll image," a campain manager said.
But seriously, There was something in the air that said these canidates have greatness written all over them. They made it clear that they were willing to bend on every issue possible in order to make the Evangelicals happy.
Canidate Review:
Fred Thompson was a hit! He scored big points when he lifed up a baby that he had physically taken out of the vagina of a teenage girl. After he lifted the baby however, he dropped it on its head, and then made the 13 year old girl take the baby home and raise it. The audience went wild! When asked about Russia, Thompson responded by saying, "I think China is a big problem, NO ABORTION!" The audience started chanting, "FOUR MORE YEARS!"
Mitt Romney said that the real issue in his campain has to do with his teeth, and the commentator said, "Look at this man, isn't he perfect? He looks like he was sculped by Zeus, I think I want to elect him solely based on his looks. Yes. Lets do that!"
Rudy He just goes by his first name now becasue he "Wants people to associate him with the football movie of the same name." Same old story here, he said a lot about 9/11 and everybody thought he was smart becasue he happened to be in a city when terrorists hit it.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Hunter Convicted of Shooting other hunter claims that he got the Idea from "The Most Dangerous Game"
http://www.channel3000.com/news/14715754/detail.html
Hunter James Nichols was recently convicted of shooting another hunter, and will now serve a 69 yr prison sentence. When asked for comment Nichols responded by saying that he got the idea when he was in high school when he happened to read, "The Most Dangerous Game" unlike the rest of us who thought the story to be kind of lame and dated. Nichols began a life long plan to make the story come true, years of planning came next for the man, until his plan was perfected. His plan finally came to life when he saw another man squirrel hunting, and shot him. When Nichols was asked whether or not it was worth it he said, "well it took a lot of planning and I didnt think I would get away with it, but yeah it was was worth it, because I mean after all, it is 'The Most Dangerous Game' (He then raised his eyebrow and gave a laugh and nod in an english accent)" All of the news reporters thought that last part where he raised his eyebrow was pretty lame considering the story he was referencing, so they decided to act like they couldnt hear him when they asked the next question. This made Nichols "upset" then all of the reporters laughed at him.
Related Stories: anything Dick Cheney.
"If this doesn't stop, I may never be able to have a one night stand again!"
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/11/27/holloway.arrest/index.html
Joran van der Sloot, a suspect in the Natalee Holloway disappearance came forward to complain about some of the conditions he is being held under. For instance: He isn't allowed to have rich white girls visit. "This really sucks man, can't we just forget about this? I mean, isn't there any other dead white girls? I mean come on.." His attorney agreed adding, "Come on.. yeah." Still authorities press forward even though there isn't any evidence. Authorities maintain, "There isn't a white girl where there used to be one, which means one's missing, which means somebody disposed of her... We think somebody ate the body.." Sloot maintains that Holloway, "wasn't even that good in bed" and "refused to go down on him" which is why he "ditched her body on the beach.. no, wait... left her on the beach"
